3rd day 30th May 2011

It has been the 3rd day, i called u up to tell u come to my hse n have dinner together u agreed i was so happy, but end up u did not join too because u had fall sleep..so i was ok because u were tired i understand u have been  goin up and down the whole day..den i went to Pasar Malam wif aunties, whereof after da walk we went to Kayu for tea, tot tht u wouldn't wake up so wanna tapao roti for u..but u actually got up at about 11 sumthing, so  after sending my mom home i went over to ur hse grab all my stuff back home..i really dunno wat shud i do tht v do not have to suffer anymore..i have did my best but u end up telling me tht u dunno whether u shud b wif me because u dun wan every 3 years the same issues will happen..actually i do understand ur feeling as i have hurt u deeply for twice u wil need to protect urself from being hurt by me..i told u instead of suffering like tht y don't we juz have a separation so tht u won't b suffering..u sseems to b disagreed but i feel bad when i look at ur face full wif tears..i juz wan to mitigate the pain to da less..u told me tht u will need time to consider how r v suppose to continue carried our relationship..do u noe how suffer am i tht? i think u dunno actually if is a clear separation or getting back together i wish to have a clear answer from u..i'm suffering like hell i dunno how shud i face u n how shud i actually face our relationship are v still attached or v r juz fren? u wanna be wif me but u r afraid, i'm suffering like hell..i dunno wat shud i do to make things better..i have decided tht v shud juz chill off n when u r ready then v wil get back together..i actually wish tht tomorrow u wil fetch me back from work, but if is fate tht u can't fetch me den i guess mayb v shud really consider our relationship whether v still need to continue or rather juz b a fren..

2nd day 30th May 2011

Today is the 2nd day of the cooling off, last night i went to have dinner wif my relatives at Sg Buloh Restaurant Yuen Hoor sum random seafood restaurant, kinda miss last year u were there eating wif us, peeling off crab's shell for me..how silly am i yesterday my whole shirt full wif da crab's sauce because i'm alwiz pampered by u never got a chance to peel the shell, of coz it makes tons of jokes out of it..da crab actually drop on me..it was funny now i realise how much i needed u by my side, u meant alot for me dear..yesterday che yan younger sis (YK) wanted to have a same ride wif me n inn i actually denied her rights which i dunno whether i did da right thing or not, as is kinda mean all i was thinking was tht if anything happened to her how r v supposed to tell it to her parents as everyone knows how 'princess' is she, tht's a burden for a person who actually sit in da same car as her..end up she still got up in the car because her parents already left her..then she sat in the same table as me also but Aunty Lily actually sat beside her, i look at da way she behaved i was like....... so big d stil can't managed to get dishes for herself sit there til Aunty Lily wil need to serve her..it was kinda pathetic to me..i didn't help her out because i was sitting kinda far from her ash she is juz opposite me, am i mean? i dunno u told me before dun care about her, i dun get pissed off or agitated by her behaviour anymore as i dun think there's a need, even her parents i rarely tok to them, i have ntg to tok to them instead of craping here n there.

Actually i separated wif u i suddenly found out there are plenty things i dun get to c before dis i could c it clearly, i have no more topic wif them, got ntg to tok as before anymore..i dunno whether i'm angry or anything...no clue..anyway..i'm still far from the date my dear..<3

1st day 29th May 2011

Today is the first day of the cooling off period, i tot that i have been in the right line but it seems tht is still far from the date my dear, i dunno whether u will read my blog or not but no matter wat i had say b4 i'm determined to do tht i will do it till i have pass da 'exam' i will tell u i'm prepared for it..i'm sorry dear i'm still in the learning process not in the perfect condition to meet u yet..i miss u alot, i belief u miss me alot too..today i had caused problem again i'm not thinking in a mature way whereby i think tht lying is not a gud thing, but i have learnt sumthing tht lying all lies are bad faith there are actually good faith lie which actually for da sake of sum1..i'm only thinking in one way which does not considerate at all, i feel so sad because yesterday i tot i'm in da right track but it seems tht still long way to go..even though u tell me baby let's go back together, i still will not do so because i'm not in a perfectly fit position as ur wife...da prob will still pop out if we dun solve it..i actually miss u more each a day...i love the song tht actually u dedicate to me..i love da meaning of the song whereby if i could  learn da song earlier we muz b singing together now, laughing together, ....might b on da bed sleeping now..i have not been sleeping wif u for days i wake up early i couldn't fall sleep anymore, if i'm sleeping wif u i would wake up at 10 or 11 but today i woke up at 7.30 which is so unusual..i noe u r not comfortable too rite because u have used to have me by ur side preparing all the lunch for u when u wake up u will need not need to cook mee by urself, which i belief u r not eating it wif gud appetite.. love u n miss u alots baby..i promise i will determine continue wif the process...

I LOVE THIS SONG...

你日日笑得這麽燦爛我怎捨得你喊
做小丑我都願意　爲了搏紅顔一笑

從來沒有這麽想一件事原來有這麽一件事
才值得我們留戀　今天為你死都可以

＊從前有那三個字天天講你知　雖然沒新意但有意思
　我儲埋儲埋這麽多詩句　我只想你可以跟我一起笑
　從前那三個字　人人都鐘意
　好不可思議　但是又有幾個人真正明白
　那意思我只知道我只想你快樂＊

趁住人多多講講心裏話　咁先至值回票價
從此得你知我　任何事都不會怕
從來沒有　這麽想一件事
原來有這麽一件事　才值得我們留戀
今天真的為你死都可以

Repeat＊

就算今天不再闖過昨日　我怎麽講都無謂
就算今天不再闖過昨日　我願意等下去
再等下去　再等下去

從前有那三個字天天講你知　雖然沒新意但有意思
我儲埋儲埋這麽多詩句　我只想你可以跟我一起笑
從前那三個字　人人都鐘意
好不可思議　但是又有幾個人真正明白
那意思我只知道我只想你快樂
我只想你快樂

Time for changes...

Time flies this actually requisite as time doesn't wait for anyone of us, we have been passing through all 4 years together now we are in da border of the 5th year, whereby the same probs happened in 3 years ago actually happened again , because of my immaturity cause the person who i loved the most need to suffer...i felt sorry for u my dear...i have caused too much of problems for u whereby after i had spoken to u...i found that i'm so immature caused so much of hardship for u...things that i could actually sort it out without goin thru a fight i make it such a big issue instead of being more considerate, i guess where is the prob i think that i have been thinking u owe me alot i did so much for u, no matter how imperfect,immature am i u will stil need to take it out from me rather than scolding me..therefore whenever u r scolding me i'm pissed off because my thinking was tht u r my husband, my love y can't u juz did ur best to make me happy instead of causing more probs in our relationship wanting to c my tears drop is tht wat u wan?? I have been too selfish, immature and even my thinking is not even considerate at all...i feel so embarrassed when i sit down quietly by myself to think of every words u told me before,y r u scolding me everyday when tht's juz a small matter...but since i have started to sort sum of da minor probs out i found tht u did alot for me n my future...u tend to make me more mature rather than everything i faced i shud b pissed off, lost my temper and etc...i remember that whenever the sum1 actually pissed me off once i would make recent complaint for mths..i have been criticising Wen Xin's act of immaturity but i doesn't seems any different from her though...wat makes me actually changed my mind is because of ur words u told me can u plz forgive n forgo all these unnecessary anger live happily, however i'm thinking what the hell!!! y u r not considerate at all? y can't u c her prob n stand on my side tht is not my prob u r my love y can't u stand on my shoe to think of the situation? I knew the prob and y u have this response now, because dis is not a massive prob of myself y do i need to consider it n being pissed off for? if she doesn't act or think maturely tht's her prob not mine...however, i tend to think tht u dun understand me, u r juz siding the others, in fact u r not u do not want me to be unhappy because of unnecessary stress..

Then, for Johnathan's case u keep telling me stop all da nonsense dun bother tht potato nose fella, leave him alone i told u no i will not, he keeps causing hardship for me i will not give him a peaceful life...then i end up facing a prob n i realise is unnecessary for me to even get agitated by his immature conducts..actually u were right..tons more actually, i shud have listen to ur advise but u noe me i wanted to be pampered by u instead being scolded or screwed by u..but now i noe y do u need to do all these to me instead of pampering me i knew now if i have been more nature n my mindset is diff now u would pamper me no more scolding n screwing me..


i'm determined to change for a better person and wait for time to come to tell u baby let's gave each other another chance, and this time v will looking forward for our marriage ya..i will not leave u once i got all da probs sorted out..because no1 would ever did the same as wat u have did for me..<3

The Temporary 'Cold War'

Yesterday, it was 5th November 2010 it is the happiest day for my Indian frens i went to Mid Valley with my baby he went to meet his fren while as usual i went for shopping..at first we went to the PC Expo together n thought of buying the GPS, but i insist tht let me think about it first...den he gone to delicious with his primary schoolmates they are having gathering..i continued my 'journey' eating and shopping...i bought sum things for myself and after tht thought of buying sum pressie for him since his b'day is just around the corner but out of sudden my neck feels pain so i decided to go n find him, juz too worry about myself..he asked me so how is my decision wan or not the GPS i wan it but our credit card lacked of credit coz of me bought my stuff using the card..so i went to try, ends at it appears CARD DECLINE so i came back on the way he told me tht his frens are changing location to other place he is waiting for me so i walked really fast and mistakenly took wrong escalator juz dunwan him to wait..

Then, we went over to The Gardens Zouk's cafe for drink with his fellow frens, from here the bad day of me STARTED...his guy frens requested to open Jack Daniels so i drank a small portion with mixture (coke), only about 2 cups felt so sleepy, feels bad drink alcohol but got sleepy instead of drunk..sigh :(
he keeps talking to his fren while i'm alone by myself ntg to do, feel stupid sitting there...so i took my bad n went to the toilet on the way out i was almost falled as i couldn't c there's a stair there...indication tht i'm kinda DRUNK hahhaha...after came out from the washroom i choose nt to go back as i felt redundant ntg to do nobody is toking to me feel tht i'm da extra one inside there..i was sitting on the public sofa thinking is this wat the usual and ordinary ppl say 'mis-communication' due to the diff job and frens u have...my tears started to drop but i told myself i can't cry i have to b strong it is in the public not my hse...i have been waited for about 30 mins den we decided to leave..i was so upset tht feeling redundant by my loved one..

This morning i was about to tell him da yesterday prob, ends up i was crying so sadly i was thinking of leaving him n go oversea to study but i noe tht is so impossible i dunwan to feel apart from him...he is the only guy which i rely on the most..i felt so depressed , lost and i dunno wat i should do?????
We past lots of 'stage' before we have today, u told me v r goin to marry once i finish my LLB degree but now seems like everything is goin our from our plan...every year da same mth v wil fight for the same issue...i'm so tired thought of wanting a clear break off, but u told me u wan sum time to think about it hw should u do, i noe tht if wan to break off i would suffer alot..instead of being suffered day, nite i prefer to have a short term pain...

Baby do u noe i'm so into u, i couldn't juz by 1 or 2 sentence leave u...i choose to take external programme juz because of 1 simple reason i dunwan to b apart from u..my heart juz dun beat normally now, i have lost appetite to eat dun feel hungry...tears seem to juz unstoppable..

Our b'day is juz right the corner can v come back together as usual?? our little son Abie's bday is juz next wednesday r u coming to find us??????
How about our bday r u gonna to celebrate with me???



I'M SO LOST

The Guy that Accompany me for 4 years

Our story starts with the viewing of the fireworks in The Curve in the year 2006, it was the very first time of mine to watch the fireworks lively..The first time i was hug by a guy who is not my boyfriend(bf) but curiously i did not resist; the hug that he gave me was really different from those(my-exs) that had before. it makes me fall in love with him at the moment.This guy should i titled him as 'stupid'? He was in love with me from the first few time we met, but he knew that i wasn't fond with him but fond in his best fren, no matter when i wanna see his best fren or met his best fren he will juz be my 'driver' anytime , anyday, within 24 hours. Now i think it back he is not stupid he is juz doing sumthing for the person he loves; now he gots the reward, that i have choosen him at last because the effort, time and love that he have been sacrify for me i was touched. Obviously it is not the feeling of touching i'm in love with him, i knew i found the 'right man' i should be for my life. Someone might think it is too fast to make up the decision to be with a person for the rest of your life, but do you know that 'right man/woman' only appears once in your life, once it is gone that's it, it would not appear another time. Therefore, i choose to appreciate what i have now,than thinking for a better one, i believe that in this world nobody is perfect as what u think, if u need a perfect man then he couldn't be a man because human would makes mistake, only mistake can makes u realized how much you have learn for your life.  I believe that in relationship there is 'not whether who is more compatible with who', it is the matter of 'APPRECIATE'.

This guy also makes mistake before which i thought i would never forgive him. But i have choose to forgive him because i appreciate what i have and i have learn from that incident that to be together it is not an easy task, u need lots of effort to understand each other and communication with each other is important. I used to be very arrogant and i wish my 'boy' would listened whatever i said. If u don't i would be really pissed off, but when i am with him i was taught by him it is not the right way to communicate with each other. Although most of the time we would have a tough fight / argue before we could listen to each other, but it usually ends up lovely.

I can said that he is not just my boyfriend , he is my lifetime teacher. I remembered during my A level i failed my exam twice which causes me in  hard time, he is the one who gave me support and encouraged me to do it again for the third time and i passed it. I was really happy and of course i shared this new with him. Although he said nothing but i could see from his eyes and expression that he does felt happy. All he wants is to see my smile all the time no matter how hard he works as long he sees my smile then is worth it. He told me before i am the only gal who makes him feel hard to let go and  he wants to be with me all the time, it might be juz sum sweet words but i love to hear it.. I'm sure that in this huge world no gals, ladies, women who does not like to hear 'sweet words' from their loved ones.

5th September 2010, it is our 4th year anniversary.. This is the first time we celebrated it in other place. Because we have budget this year hahahahah..sound funny..this year we celebrate in Port Dickson The Legend Water Chalet, it was awesome and i feel really happy and it is unbelievable that we had been through for 4 years.. the chalet build on the water and you can even viewed the sea through a piece of solid glass in the washroom..Time flies, we only spend a nite there the morning came really fast and we start to move ahead..we went to the Ostrich farm it was really funny we drove passed the place but couldn't find it till we have passed it like 8 km then we were curious that why we couldn't see anything. Ends up we decided to ask the police, but it seems that the police wasn't that clear also...hahaha then we managed to find it..RM 8 entry fees, and RM 2 for the Ostrich food..we bought one it was funny because he starts to feed the Ostrich and we were afraid and shocked by the way Ostrich ate the food..then is my turn it was worse when the Ostrich starts eating eventually i throw the entire tupperware..i was shocked, the Ostrich looked at me as if i m crazy..we reached KL at about 4..that's the end of our 'honeymoon'